I Am Free

Sunday August 30th 2009... I have been preparing for this day longer than even I am aware of. For several weeks, maybe more, I have been on a journey. A journey not even I could have imagined. Albeit a journey full of marvels, twas still a journey unbeknownst to anyone but God.

The last time I went to church willingly was for my Mother's funeral. Before that... the Lord only knows. But today I am going to church, willingly, wantingly. Although I have been preparing myself for this, I am still nervous and, yes, scared. I don't even like going to the grocery store among people I don't know. Now I am going to church to bare my soul among people whom are strangers to me in all ways imaginable. Sure, I 'think' I am prepared, but am I?

Does it matter if I think I am ready? Or does it matter that God thinks I'm ready? I choose GOD!

OK, I'm sitting here at my desk, as usual trying to ready myself. So nervous that I am drumming away on both my keyboard and my desk. Listening to some great gospel music readying myself. Chatting with my mentor, Misty. Literally I am counting down the minutes before church starts. 34 mins..... 23 mins..... 17 mins..... Finally she tells me, "Get up and LEAVE! You don't want to be late!" Yeah, well..... I didn't want to be too early either and the church is only 5 mins from my home. But, ok ok..... I leave. As I get up to Hart St where I needed to turn I am behind a vehicle that has a Bible in thier back window. Hmmm, even if I did get a second thought, of which I hadn't, I guess there is yet another sign! I am almost to the point that I am looking at everything now just waiting to see a big ole neon sign flashing reading "Karen...Just Do It!!!" No, I haven't seen one yet, but I might as well have.

I pull into the lot and there are a couple folks standing outside chit chatting. They immediately greet me and ask if I came alone. I replied, "No, I came with Jesus." And truth be told, I really did come with Jesus. Without Him, I would not be here today.

This is a modest church, nothing fancy, nothing overwhelming. Not empty, but not over-flowing. Again I am greeted in kind by most everyone there. Most especially a lovely lady whom introduces herself (forgive me for not remembering her name) as the Pastors Mother In Law. She then asked if I wanted to join her or if she could join me. She joined me. Throughout the service she shared her Bible with me and even helped show me what the Pastor was preaching about.

Pastor Rhodus, whom I had researched previous (yeah, ya'll know me, lol) seemed very kind and friendly and powerful. Being that I have never been to anything but a Catholic church, yes, I did feel a little out of place, but I think I handled myself well. Towards the end of the service Pastor Rhodus asked if anyone was ready for the Holy Spirit (or something of that sort). Things by this point are beginning to get a tad blurry. I had really gotten into the service and was really 'feeling' "It". Mrs. Williamson, I believe her name is although that isn't what she introduced herself as, took my hand and lead me to the alter.

The entire congregation gathered around me and we all prayed. Almost immediately I got weak. Swaying, shakey legs, buckling knees.... I gathered myself together again, just for it to happen again. Still kinda fuzzy as to what is happening. I am thinking maybe the 3rd or 4th time my knees went.... the next thing I remember was my head tapping the floor. Everyone was still praying all around me all this time. A few moments, minutes, who knows how long it has been, surely not me. I too have been praising Jesus this whole time with everyone. I know I am still praising Jesus, but I am not really hearing it all. At least I don't think I am. They raise me back up to my feet. Still praising the Lord Jesus Christ. The next thing I rememebr is Pastor Rhodus saying, "She's doing it! She's doing it! She's speaking in tongues!". A moment of conscienciousness, awareness, then I'm fuzzy again. I remember thinking if this is happening, let it happen. And it did! Another believer was also being prayed over in hopes of receiving the Holy Spirit as well. Once I had gathered myself again, Pastor Rhodus instructed me to pray over her as well and lay my hand on her back. This was truly an awakening experience.

Next on the agenda was getting Baptised in the name of Jesus. They asked and how could I say no? Although I have my wits about me I am still very much in another place. A place I have never been, but I am eager to return to. Once again Pastor Rhodus prayed upon me and emmersed me. As I arose from the water there was truly a feeling of freedom. My many troublesome burdens that had been holding me down for oh so many years were washed away.

How long did this all take? I haven't a clue! Nor do I care. All that mattered is that I know I am free. I am full of an energy that I don't think I have ever had. I am feeling things I have never felt before. And it is Wonderful!

I didn't stick around long thereafter. I was in another world. I think I was supposed to though since several others actually came out to the parking lot to wish me well as I was headed to the Kia, LOL

Once I got home I couldn't sit still. I splurged and went and bought myself a McDouble for dinner. I actually washed my dishes! Not a minor task at the time. Still unable to sit here, I went out to enjoy the evening sun on the porch. Nope, that wasn't going to happen either. I HAD to get up and move, so I cut my grass, all at once! Everyone that knows me, knows my back doesn't allow me to do it all at once, ever. My back all of a sudden is so much better than it has been in a couple years.

I am literally bursting with energy. All stress is gone. Have all of my issues disappeared? Of course not. But boy oh boy do I feel ALIVE!

I know I have a long journey still ahead of me. I am far from perfect. But I am well on my way.

Thank You Jesus, my Lord, my Savior! I Love You too!!!